We have been here before. I’ve been mentally unable to write for the past few months. I’m sure you’ve noticed. The once-a-day posts have fallen to once a week…then once a month. I am unsure of where to go from here.
My boy is at an age where now there are girls of interest. In less than a year he will be changing schools and starting at Middle School (Jr. High). Things I once talked about openly suddenly seem as if they may be damaging to him somehow. While I seek to advocate and educate the masses through this blog, my first and foremost priority must be Eli. And that leaves me with difficult choices, which I have mentioned before.
It leaves this blog with an uncertain future.
Spending time writing has been the best therapy I can imagine. It helps me to wrap my head around things I never thought I would be able … let alone HAVE to…understand. It’s brought me into friendships I never would have known otherwise, and for that I am grateful.
Eli likes the blog, but he also doesn’t believe that anyone would ever use it against him or make fun of him. I don’t share his faith in humanity unfortunately. I’m old enough to know that people – especially children – can be exceptionally cruel.
While it remains important to me to educate and advocate, I find that focusing my attention and time on helping Eli to ‘SELF-advocate’ is far more important…and beneficial. Time once spent on reaching out to others through these pages is now spent face to face and I think it’s been a good switch.
There’s a girlfriend now….sort of. If only seeing each other at school and having 99% of your phone calls go unanswered can be called “dating”…. then yeah, there’s a girlfriend. He ran for student council president this year. (didn’t win, but he ran!) He’s considering going out for yearbook staff. That’s AWESOME. He’s not suffering in the friend department at all! He’s writing a screen play. Sure I don’t really like that it’s about a serial killer, but hey…he’s exercising his creative talents and I’ll be darned if I’ll dampen them. After all, he might be the next Steven King or George Romero! Who am I to hinder that!?!?
So while I am not ending this blog, I felt I should at least explain to you why the writing has fallen away. I owe you that, because you have been my ear-to-hear for nearly two years now! You have been the support and the comfort and the ones who have told me that you react differently to some situations now, simply because you have read the blog, opened your hearts and been willing to be a little more tolerant of your fellow humans. Because you never know when that “weird guy” or the screaming child might actually be on the spectrum. YOU are the ones who have inspired me and made me so very proud because you have been willing to grow and learn and understand. I am SO grateful to you and you are the reason I have continued writing this long! Therefore I can’t bring myself to leave the blog or Eli’s World Facebook Page entirely behind. It’s still important! YOU make it important! I write it because of YOU. And I’m grateful to you all. There are still so many people to reach! But the nature of the blog is going to change.
I just don’t know in what way yet.
Until I figure it out, I am planning to do some ‘throwbacks’ and re-post the original posts from the original blog site. Maybe it will give hope to a whole new set of readers who are just now entering into this journey. And I think it will be a very excellent reminder to me of just HOW FAR we really have come!
So as we end 2013, I will try to find a way to keep the blog alive without sacrificing Eli in the process. Because he truly is amazing and I don’t ever want to be responsible for damaging that.
Bless each of you.